


The Gift Giving Ability of Demons

by LexieCarver



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Humor, Jealousy, bad gifts, the gifts are a bit on the sexual side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:50:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8997160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexieCarver/pseuds/LexieCarver
Summary: Pairing: Crowley x ReaderCharacter: Crowley, Demon!Dean, ReaderWord Count: 1,119Prompts: I wrote this for @curliesallovertheplace Curlies Celebration challenge  What if Demon Dean is the worst at buying gifts? I also wrote this for @tiny-sam-is-my-jam Sky’s SPN Christmas Challenge with the prompt, gift. This was also written for @averymerryspnxmas December 24: Christmas Eve.  Humorous, really bad gifts, jealousy and presents. No real warning here. The presents are a bit on the sexual side. Enjoy. :)





	

[Also posted on my Tumblr-](http://roxy-davenport.tumblr.com/post/154883657041/the-gift-giving-ability-of-demons)

 

Picking a present for a human? He, a Knight of Hell in Walmart? How embarrassing really. He had no bloody clue what to get you. If he were a human maybe he’d have more of a clue but as a demon nothing came to mind. Present giving is so difficult. And the irony was that he had known you for years but didn’t really know you. He knew you hate getting clothes as gifts. But sometimes men bought women perfume. Did you wear perfume? What kinds of book did you read? Years working beside you on the hunts and he knew nothing.

 

Dean perused the shelves, glaring at the patrons who blocked the small aisles with stupid carts. Everything he picked up he second-guessed himself on. He left angry and frustrated. He didn’t have to give you a gift but he really liked you and if he was being honest desperately wanted you. He had ever since you started hunting with them. He thought you could do better and you never made a move so neither did he. He didn’t want to ruin the friendship and remained a gentleman.

 

Looking back on it now he sees that he was a coward plain and simple. Now that he’s a demon, he has no qualms about making it known that he wants you. It probably wouldn’t make any difference. He missed his chance with you. He could clearly see your love and devotion to Crowley in every glance and Crowley felt the same way. It made him sick to his stomach that you would choose Crowley. Dean could stand in a room naked and your eyes would only be on Crowley. It was like he didn’t exist at all.

 

He wanted you badly, yes, but there was also pain there. It hurt to be ignored and it made him angry and so he drank and had one-night stands to take the edge off at least. Otherwise he would approach you too strong and that wouldn’t end well for either of you.

 

He couldn’t just fob off this gift. He sucked at giving gifts in general but this had to say something, had to carry the right message. He had to let you know at least that you had another option. If you liked evil demons with big cocks, here he was. He could do things to you that Crowley would be too hesitant to do. He could make you scream. After striking out in several stores, he just broke down and bought the presents on the internet. He snapped his fingers and appeared on Christmas Eve before a heavily decorated Christmas tree. He glanced at the pile of presents Crowley gave you grumbling that he only got you three and Crowley got you so many more. He thought he was as quiet as a mouse but he felt Crowley’s presence behind him. Smiling he turned sharply looking the King of Hell up and down lazily, the presents still in his hands.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Dean shrugged nonchalantly, “Trying to put my presents under the Christmas tree, obviously.”

 

“Presents? For whom?”

 

“Our girl.”

 

Crowley was on him in a second. Dean snapped his fingers and the present went under the tree seconds before Crowley hand his hands around Dean’s neck slamming him into the wall.

 

“She’s mine. Not yours. Not ours. Mine. Did the transition from human to demon make you stupid?”

 

“She might be mine after she opens the presents.”

 

“Not likely.”

 

“You wanna make a bet?”

 

“I don’t need to make a bet you MORON -- I have her HEART!”

 

Crowley’s hands tightened around Dean’s neck. Dean just kept smiling at Crowley. Crowley growled loudly shaking the ornaments off the tree with the vibrations from his growl. Dean looked at Crowley bored. Crowley stepped back before pushing Dean back. Dean smirked at the King of Hell. He slowly stopped forward and ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“Well, look at what we have here. You worried? Clearly you’re jealous. I have a lot of practice with women. I can make her --.”

 

“You stupid idiot. I’m trying to dissuade you from an all-out war which you can’t possibly win.”

 

“I can be quite persuasive. Several of your demons love me.”

 

Crowley growled and threw a snow globe at Dean who snapped himself out of the room.

 

“What are their names?” He asks through gritted teeth but Dean had already left.

 

You woke up with all the shouting and padded down the stairs in very risqué pajama set desperately wiping sleep from your eyes.

 

“What happened, Crowley?”

 

“Demon Dean stopped by with presents.”

 

You were so surprised you nearly tripped down the last three steps. Crowley was there in an instant righting you.

 

“Go back to sleep, pet. I’ll throw them out and deal with him.”

 

Curiosity got the better of you as you shook you head and pushed him back walking down the rest of the stairs to the presents. You could tell which ones were his because he wrapped them in porn magazines covered in blood. No one could be tackier than that.

 

“Let’s see what he got me and then you can kick his ass. No sense in kicking his ass now if the present aren’t that bad.”

 

Crowley looked rather incredulous. Even if the presents weren’t that bad, Dean dared to break in and leave presents. No one leaves presents for the Queen of Hell except the King. He was seething but kept his emotions in check for you. You shrugged back at him.

 

“I’d rather know now and then open the real presents from the love of my life on Christmas day.”

 

Crowley didn’t like the fact that you wanted to open the presents but the second you said love of your life he stood taller and beamed at you. He was a tiny bit curious what they were, too. He snapped his fingers to open the present since you didn’t particularly want to touch whoever’s blood that was.

 

You both weren’t prepared for what you found. In front of you was anti-nagging breath spray, an inflatable instant boob job and a box that read, clone-a-willy do it yourself milk chocolate editable dildo kit. And horrifyingly, there was a chocolate version of Dean’s cock there. Or what one might presume his cock looked like. A note by it said, “ To practice on, sweet checks, cause I have a lot more girth than Crowley.” How Dean knew that you really would rather not know. “Let’s see if you can fit all of me in there. Best part I’m edible. Let me know if you ever want the real thing.”- Dean

 

Worst presents ever.


End file.
